


Annyeong!

by xXxDeViLiNwHiTexXx



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Ex Lovers, Heavy Angst, M/M, One Shot, Realistic, Sad, University, depressed character, sekai - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22175746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXxDeViLiNwHiTexXx/pseuds/xXxDeViLiNwHiTexXx
Summary: "You know Sehun, I've always been told I am selfish.""And I know I am.""But will you let me be selfish for one more time?"
Relationships: boyfriend & boyfriend
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Annyeong!

Now that Sehun thought about it, it has been almost two years. Two years since he last heard this voice.

Nostalgia hit him like a crashing wave. How can things change so fast? And for, forever? Weren’t they like best buddies for life? And someone they promised to be forever with. 

Till now he can’t find the reason why the promise they made was broken. Or was the proverb right all along? 

_“Can you do me a favour?”_

Back in their college days, it would have sounded so weird for them to ask a “favour”. Their soul just seemed to know, know what the other was asking for even without talking. Favour was something, that never crossed their mind. 

Weird thoughts were muddling Sehun’s mind. After so long, what made the older to call him again? 

Did he want something?

Did he want to get back?

Sehun shook his head at his own thought. They both came to this term. The term where they say silent love words through smiles and feather like touches. But…

They didn’t agree on _“Let’s not meet each other either.”_ Did they? Maybe it came as an extra part, a part that didn’t need any official agreement.

A car honk pulled Sehun out of his train of thoughts. His phone in hand was also vibrating. Jongin still was punctual as fuck. 

Coming out of his house, Sehun saw the same old car Jongin used to have two years ago. The car that carries so much memories of their times spent together.

Somehow, the way to the familiar car seemed to make Sehun a tad bit nervous. Why was he so nervous? For no reason at all.

But Maybe there is. Maybe there are some reasons that his mind was screaming at the back of his head. 

Because it’s been two years. Two freaking years since he last saw the man sitting inside the car, hand gripping tightly on the steering wheel.

It’s been long! So fucking long! 

Because he had been bffs’ with the man since the first day of their university.

Because the man sitting inside the car is the man he used to love.

But when he reached out for the door, and pulled it open, his mind seemed to have gone six years backwards. Back to those days. 

Days when this face would brighten up his day. 

Days when he would find his lips being claimed by another one. 

"Will you get in?" A voice breaks Sehun out of his reverie. He just gets in the car, slamming the door close. 

“How have you been?” The formal tone of Jongin’s voice somewhat felt odd. It was something Sehun wasn't used to.

Funny, how Sehun thinks he should still be used to the man after not talking to him for so long.

“Good I think.” Sehun sits down on the seat beside Jongin. 

Both fell into silence for a moment. Jongin started again. 

“You’re not gonna ask how _I_ am?” Sehun felt kind of flustered. And Jongin just laughed. 

“You are still the same.” Sehun felt like laughing at the statement. Says the person who kept the spring necked brown bear statue on his dashboard from 6 years back. 

"Where are we going?" Sehun asks. Unable to contain his curiosity. 

"Hm..?"

"You'll see once we go there." And the questioning man felt pissed. Well, he couldn't force the other to tell him too.

"Don't worry, we're not going on a date or something." Jongin jokes and Sehun somehow feels his stomach twisting. 

_Date?_

Never in his wildest dreams. 

Not now, Not at this moment.

_"Hello there! Is the seat taken?" First day of university and Sehun already was nervous enough. Should he call this day his lucky day when out of the blue, a cute guy asks you if he can sit beside you?_

_Somehow Sehun could feel his heart thumping loudly._

_Badum_

_Badum_

_Badum!_

_And it only seemed to get louder. Maybe it was because Sehun was freaking bad at communicating with new people._

_Or maybe it was because he kept looking at the guy sitting beside in fleeting glances, lest the guy might notice him. And suddenly the guy turned to Sehun, stretching out his hand towards him._

_"I'm Kim Jongin. And you are..?"_

_Somehow he felt that following years will go well. This was a better start._

Sehun was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts when the car came to a halt. 

"Sehun. We're here." the said male looks out of the window, and breath gets stuck in his throat. 

"Why are we here?" Sehun asks. Voice shaking, and many, many questions running through his head. In this whole city of Seoul, Sehun avoided coming to this one particular place. 

_"Let's go."Jongin says as he pulls the taller man along with him._

_"I have a class in next five minutes Jongin!" Sehun looks around, looking for the professor who's always ahead of class time._

_"I have it too. So shut it." And Sehun only lets himself getting pulled along with that hand holding his own, the person who's hand that is._

_"Wow this place..." Sehun felt at loss of word. The scenery was breathtaking._

_"I know right?" Jongin grins at him._

_"There's an elementary school if we get down by this road. I studied there."_

_"So you've known this place since then?" Sehun dumbly asks. And his companion laughs._

_"No dummy. Do you think I could have navigated through this thick forest back then?"_

_"Well that is true.." Sehun felt his face burning slightly because of embarrassment._

_While Sehun was busy getting embarrassed, Jongin had pulled out two cans of warm beer and placed it on the concrete seat. Sehun for a while wondered why the hell there was a seat made in middle of a mountain that was a forest too._

_"Why are they here?! I'm not drinking in middle of the day like this!"The other male just rolls his eyes._

_"Stop fussing like a wuss and drink it. It's the blessing of the mountain god!" Sehun scoffs at his friend’s response but opens his can of beer anyway._

_"Ah this feels nice." Jongin says as he sips on his beer. He leans backward with his upper body weight resting on his both palms._

_And in this slightly cold weather, Sehun feels his lips drying out fast. Even though it was the beginning of spring and the girls at his university were already wearing short dresses, despite till now Sehun felt he couldn't put enough layers on himself._

_And this mountain was freaking freezing him to the core. Still_

_Still!_

_Sitting here in the mountains with the guy who can make his heart go crazy,_

_It really felt nice._

The weather isn’t cold like that day. It was in middle of summer. The smell of summer was really prominent. The sound of the summer was audible throughout the air. 

Jongin halts on his way up and looks back. His eyes seemed empty. Sehun felt confused. He couldn’t understand the colour swirling inside those eyes. 

The sun was hot over their head. The thick rows of trees didn’t help either. Overall, the air felt heavy.

Sehun felt the air around him tighten. He felt nervous, he felt scared.

_**To Jongin: Let’s meet at the mountains after our class.** _

_Reply came almost immediately. No wonder Jongin is always on phone._

_**From Jongin: Oookay?** _

_The confusion was clear in the reply. But Sehun decided to put no mind to it for now._

_“Why are we going to the mountains?” Jongin asks. This wasn’t their regular hangout spot. Somehow this place turned into a special venue for them to visit occasionally._

_“You’ll see...” Sehun now thinks if this is a bad idea. He most definitely didn’t want to lose Jongin._

_They reach at the bench on record time. Sehun was slightly panting. He breathed heavily through his nose, trying to calm his heart._

_“Will you tell me what the matter is?”Jongin seemed worried._

_“This is stupid Oh Sehun...” Sehun mumbles to himself and Jongin laughs._

_“Don’t tell me you brought me here without any plan.”_

_Sehun looks at the man for a brief moment. He clenches his hands and takes another deep breath._

_“Jongin... I.. I’ve wanted to tell you this for so long...”_

_“Will you say it already?”_

_“Jongin. This might sound crazy and sick as fuck. But I don’t care anymore.” Jongin looks at him weirdly, but says nothing._

_A brief silence falls on them. Leaves of the tress surrounding them made sound like thousand wind chime at the same time._

_“I really like you Jongin. Like really really.”_

_“And it’s not....Not like...” He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the main event._

_“Not like..uh..” Dang! He can’t believe he was stuttering. It pissed him off._

_Sehun felt many emotions at once seeing the surprised look in Jongin’s face. Maybe this was it for them. Jongin would say all those things Sehun had previously thought about._

_Maybe he’ll say he wasn’t a ‘gay’._

_Maybe he’ll say “Shit dude that’s sick”_

_Maybe he’ll say he didn’t want to talk to Sehun anymore._

_But what Jongin really said never ever had crossed Sehun’s mind. Not even for a nanosecond._

_“Wow.. The Oh Sehun is confessing to me?”_

_“Shit man. I feel lucky.”Jongin had said it with such a hint of mischief in his voice, Sehun felt his feelings were mocked for a moment._

_“So you like me huh?” the other man couldn’t say anything. No words came out of his mouth._

_“Why do you like me though?”_

_“We don’t even know each other for more than like a semester.” The mischievous smile had morphed into something soft, instantly melting Sehun’s heart._

_“I don’t know man. Why I like you so goddamn much.”_

_“But I just know I do.”_

_“So you’re saying you want me to be your boyfriend.” Sometime, Jongin’s straight forward way of talking flustered Sehun. He often wonders how he managed to fall in love with a man who’s the complete opposite of him. Maybe it’s true that they say opposite attracts._

Both of them sit on the bench, neither of them talks. It’s an awkward situation, or so Sehun thought. 

“Why are we here Jongin?” Sehun asks in a rather cold tone.

“Why? Are you busy?” Jongin was still so nonchalant about everything.

“No. I’m not. But why particularly this place? Out of all the places in Seoul, why here?” There was despair clear in the taller man’s voice.

“This was the only place I found when I thought about meeting you.” Jongin replied without looking at Sehun.

“I actually don’t know why I called you, you know...”

“I suddenly felt like seeing you.” With that, Jongin looks straight at his ex lover. And the other man didn’t want to admit it, but Jongin looked utterly broken. As is a jenga model had only one bar to be pulled out to be fallen, scattered all over the place. 

“I actually never wanted us to be like this Sehun.”

“Oh? Then how did you want us to turn out? Did you want us to be ‘in good terms’ even after we broke up like that?”Sehun lost his temper for a moment.

Jongin said nothing for a moment. Contemplating over the words surfing in his head. 

“Yeah.... I may have expected that to happen Sehun..” Those lips curve up for a sad looking smile. 

“I loved you all those years like crazy. And you come to me one day saying you don’t feel like it anymore? And then, out of the blue, you call me here and sprout these nonsense?”

“Do you think I’m something you can use however you feel like?” 

“I’m really sorry for that Sehun.” Even though he sounded genuinely sorry, Sehun didn’t want to believe it.

“You think saying sorry is going to be enough?” 

Jongin seemed to think about something for a moment. 

“I only have this life to give you .That’s all I have left now.” Unconsciously Jongin put his palm over his chest. Feeling the heart beating under his fingertip. 

“But it’s not worth of anything anymore I think.” And there was a feeling of hollow in Sehun’s chest when the words came out of his ex’s mouth. 

Jongin was never a negative person to begin with. What changed? 

_“Oh my goodness! Why don’t you ask Taemin?” Sehun was horrified. He has never liked being in front of people. Being on a stage in front of their whole university was out of question._

_“Whyyy?! How can I ask someone else when I have a boyfriend like you?”_

_Boyfriend._

_They didn’t use this term to define themselves. But the older always seemed to utter this term at the best times. And Sehun would feel his heart plummeting._

_“I’ve never set a foot in a dance studio. And you’re asking me to dance in front of the whole school?”_

_“Oh shut it. I’m not gonna dump you just because you’ll trip on your own feet.”_

_And even though Sehun punched his boyfriend on his arm and Jongin laughing his ass off. But he could feel his heart doing flip flops._

_Because he was boyfriend._

_Boyfriend of this amazing person._

“What changed Jongin? What had changed two years ago?”

“Did you even love me?” Sehun throws at his ex all of a sudden. 

“What do you think?” Jongin throws back.

“You stayed with me all these years. Can’t you validate that much about your ex?” And even after so many years Sehun always lost to Jongin’s logics. As expected from a law student. 

“Yes, I can validate that. But there’s one part I can not understand.”

“The breakup?” Jongin asks.

And Sehun keeps mum. 

“I thought I was doing that for your good Sehun.”

“But soon after that I felt that I’m keeping on my want to seek your presence.”

“I felt so fucking nasty for that.”

“I knew you loved me more than anything else.”

“But I sometime felt I was using this love of yours for something unholy.”

“Trust me Sehun, there wasn’t a time when I thought I didn’t love you like you were the last person on earth.”

“Then why did we end up this way? And having this awkward as fuck conversation with each other that makes no sense?” Sehun asks, feeling confusion and frustration mixing together in his chest, making a ugly feeling ooze out of his heart.

“Trust me it does make sense. It doesn’t make any right now. But it will.”

“Oh you’re making me feel so guilty right now. Do you know how I spent last two years?”

“I kept on thinking that where did I go wrong. Was there any gap in my heart?”

“I don’t understand at all Jongin!”

“I can’t understand at all!” Jongin saw that the tips of Sehun’s ears were red. His face looking a bit flushed. The man was clearly very angry.

“You will get every answer to your questions soon Sehun-ah. I promise.”

They both sit in silence for some moment. And Sehun thought he couldn’t stand this anymore. 

It took him two years to collect himself from what happened with Jongin. This was just like that. What had happened two years ago. 

_“I don’t want this anymore Sehun-ah. Let’s break up.”_

Sehun couldn’t believe his ears. 

“Why?”

“It’s for the best trust me.” Jongin replies, with his both hands in his pocket. 

“Haven’t I been doing that all along? Trusting you? And see where we are!” Sehun could feel his throat closing up. It was paining so much, so freaking much.

“You’ll know Sehun-ah.. You’ll know.”

“You kept me hanging all those years ago just like this. And you’re even asking me to do the same thing.”

“You told me to trust you and everything will be fine. I did, and this is your version of being fine?”

“I can’t take it anymore Kim Jongin. Not anymore.” Sehun gets up from his seat, ready to take his leave.

“It feels the same Jongin-ah, cause maybe it has been two years since you’ve ended things in between us.”

Sehun took a deep breath, Jongin still kept his head downcast as he has been keeping the whole time they’ve been here.

“But I still fucking love you the same.” 

“And it still hurts the same.” 

A sudden blow of wind came, somewhat reducing the heavy feeling in the air. Sehun could feel the cool air on the wet trails of tears on his face. 

“You know Sehun, I’ve always been told that I’m selfish.”

“I know I am.” 

“Can I be selfish once more?” Jongin stood up. Sehun, mustering up his courage once more looked at his ex lover. The expression on Jongin’s face was something Sehun never saw marring the other’s face. 

“Can I hold your hand?” Another gush of wind came, messing with the silky locks of the other male. As soon as the words slipped out of Jongin’s mouth, somehow Sehun felt his hands itching. Itching to hold the familiar hand he had held so many times during those days. 

His lips were itching to put soft kisses on the knuckles of that hand.

Those hands were like any other Asian man. Nothing special if you look at them. But to Sehun, they were special. Maybe they still are.

Those hands were his source of comfort.

They would massage his scalps whenever he was tired from the whole day of stress.

Those were the hands that he always wanted to keep on holding.

_Forever!_

_“Do you really want me to be your boyfriend or something?” Sehun himself didn’t know what he wanted. He just wanted to tell the man how he felt. Nothing else. But Sehun thought things like this were supposed to happen when you get what you can’t even imagine getting it. You don’t know what to do with the surprise and joy._

_“I don’t know...”But Sehun replied honestly anyway. Who was he trying to fool here? Cause Jongin starts laughing as soon as he replies._

_“It’d be weird to reject you, it’d be weird to date you.” Sehun couldn’t understand how to take the answer. Was this going somewhere positive?_

_Jongin silently slipped his hand into Sehun’s. He himself couldn’t understand why he did that all of a sudden._

_“I don’t want to hurt you Sehun. You are one of those few people I care about a lot.”_

_“This isn’t a rejection, okay? Let’s go easy.”_

_They came down to Jongin’s red car holding hands._

“Why should I?” Sehun asks in a small voice.

And Jongin keeps mum for a bit. Letting the response to soak in.

“I don’t know.... For old time’s sake?” But Sehun doesn’t reply. Only takes a step to leave the flat area of the mountain top.

“Sehun!” The called male halts for a bit. 

“Please? This....”

“Will be the last time?” Sehun finishes on his behalf. 

It was almost as same as the time when both of them came down to the bottom of the mountain six years ago. 

They were the same people.

With same name,

Almost everything still the same.

But there are no bursting fireworks in their chest.

No heart fluttering in love.

There were only tears that fell.

There were only pain that constricted their chest, trying to cut off their air supply. 

Sehun doesn’t ride back home in Jongin’s car. It was quite a distance from here to his home, he still decided to walk. 

And he walked. It really is like two years ago.

The pain, the heartbreak, the despair!

They all were the same.

The reason too.

Sehun once again was thrown away by the person he loved the most.

_“Mr. Oh Sehun speaking?”_ Sehun got a call when he was leaving for his office four days later.

“Yes I am.” Sehun carefully pulls out his car keys from his pocket, hopping in the car without bumping his head on the car.

_“You’re required here at Yongsan Police station.”_

“What was your relationship with Kim Jongin?” One officer asks. But Sehun was confused.

“We were good friends in university..” Sehun replies anyway. 

“He called you a week ago. Didn’t he?” why was the officer asking so many questions, Sehun couldn’t understand. He calculates in is head, then nods.

“What did he tell you?” The officer asks again.

“We didn’t end on good terms.. He.. just wanted to meet me.” 

“So you guys met?” 

Sehun only nods his head.

The officer looked young. Maybe a few years older than him and Jongin. He looked a bit fidgety. 

“Kim Jongin’s colleagues reported when he didn’t respond to their calls or texts. And...uh..”

Silence seemed to have them suffocated. 

“We found Kim Jongin dead in his apartment two nights ago. And by the forensic report he was overdosed on Tylenol.”

“We also found a letter with your name on it.” The officer hands him a letter with his name neatly written on the envelope. 

“Sorry for the inconvenience.” The officer says and Sehun slowly leaves the station. He doesn’t go to office that day.

_“So you really like me huh?” Jongin looks at the flushed face of his friend standing in front of him. It’s been a while since he had felt this way.  
It felt weirdly good._

_Nothing much changed in between them. They still hung out like they used to. They still talked like they used to do._

_But something was different._

_Jongin quite couldn’t put a finger on it, but it was there._

_It was there, cause Sehun was the bit of life his forever dark world had._

_Smile was something that always marred Jongin’s face. He sometimes thought that his face was made this way. And it would make people not to look deep into his heart._

_And it hurt._

_Smiling for so long hurt._

_Thinking about living another day hurt._

_Everything hurt._

_Now that this beautiful man is confessing his love to him like this, it hurt._

_He wanted to run and scream at the pale face that there’s a monster living inside his head that won’t let him live._

_The monster will eat this beautiful heart slowly, only leaving and empty shell. Just like his own._

_But for once, Jongin could hear his heart. There was no monster talking on the back of his mind. No thought of dying every moment was eating him._

_For once, Jongin wanted to feel how it felt to try and live!_

_When they held hand and came down by the slope of the mountain, all Jongin felt was warmth. He felt it melting his heart that he wanted to cry._

_And even when Sehun had tripped on the stage because he was clumsy as fuck, Jongin thought he had laughed for real for the first time in his life._

_When did life turn out to be like this for Jongin? Wasn’t he the happiest kid in their neighbourhood just few years back? What had changed?_

_He can’t answer, nor can the voice inside his head._

_He still remembers how nervous Sehun tend to get. That day when suddenly Sehun held his hand all of a sudden that day, he could feel how sweaty that palm was._

_“Can I... can I kiss you?” It felt like an innocent request to Jongin. No one had ever asked him if they can kiss him. And he remembers himself nodding to the request._

_And it was one of the most memorable incident in Kim Jongin’s life._

_He also remembers how it was an issue when they wanted to do “it” but neither of them never really thought of bottoming of topping._

_But somehow they worked out fine. It was a lots of discomfort and lots of apology from Sehun, but,_

_It worked out fine._

_Later that night, Sehun had him spooned in his arms, both lying naked under the sheets, Jongin felt that familiar pain in his chest._

_It was so severe, it felt like real pain in his heart. But it didn’t hurt as much. It dulled out pretty quickly these days._

_“I don’t want this anymore Sehun-ah, let’s break up.”_

_Why was he doing this to Sehun? Didn’t he want to live with this guy?_

_But the voice in his head was back._

_“Do you think you can live? Aren’t you cheaply using Sehun as your sick excuse to live?” Jongin wanted to shout and say no._

_“You don’t even love him as much as he does.”_

_“Do you Jongin?” the voice sound wicket._

_“No..n.noo...I love him. I love Sehun..” Jongin couldn’t sleep. He was sitting on his bed, with his both hand clutching on his hair._

_“Oh you do honey? I don’t think so..”_

_“You’re just making him a sick bastard like yourself!” the voice screams at him._

_“Sehun...Se.. I want to talk to him.” Jongin wanted to talk and tell Sehun to save him. He really didn’t want it to end this way._

_“Don’t you fucking dare! You’re gonna ruin that boy!”_

_“You’ve been so blinded by your own selfishness, that you can’t even see how much you’ve poisoned that boy.”_

_“Before you suck that boy in your dark world, die! Run and die you bastard!” and the voice didn’t stop for the rest of two years._

_“Can you do me a favour?”_

Jongin actually didn’t think Sehun would come. But he did.

And he also fulfilled his last wish and held his hand.

Despite the voice yelling at him for being selfish and things, Jongin thought he could be this bit of selfish for one last time.

_**To the man I’ve loved the most** _

_Loving you was easy. Letting go wasn’t. But dating with depression wasn’t actually a thing._

_I thought I was loving you, in reality, I was using you as my sick excuse to live on one more day._

_But you were the white innocence in my dark world. And I tried to love you with the empty shell in my chest, filled with void._

_Kim Jongin._

**Author's Note:**

> So.. as like my other stories, I had this story posted on AFF before. And this is a whole new genre to write. I hope this will be appreciated and don't forget to leave a comment if you feel like it <3


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